Is there ever going to be time for me?

I know I sure complain a lot on here, but these days it's the only place I have to vent. So, here it goes again... Bella woke up this morning not feeling so well... though she didn't tell anyone until she threw up in the kitchen. Thankfully, it all went on the tile. I got her a bowl to throw up in if she needed to again, but she kept saying, "No, mommy, I don't want to throw up." and she wouldn't take the bowl with her. I put a blanket down on the couch for her to lay on, but she didn't want to be on it. Luckily, the next throw up landed on the blanket anyway. The third time, another blanket was brought out, but again she wouldn't lay on it... so the throw up ended up between the cushions. All this happened in a few short hours. The next several hours were uneventful, though every time she made a sound I would run to her with the bowl.

The evening approached and I was supposed to go to a RS mtg with a fun theme "My favorite things" where everyone brings a favorite thing to share with someone else. It was supposed to be a chance for everyone to get to know one another better. I had worked on my "things" because, being the new kid in town, I wanted to really be able to share some of the things I enjoy in hope of finding new friends with similar interests. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. Bella had finally eaten some banana, applesauce, and gatorade and kept it down for a couple of hours, so I thought she was recovering. I told Adam I would take the other kids with me and leave Bella home with a babysitter "on call" in case he had to go back to the hospital, since he's on call, of course. He said he couldn't watch her because he was going to bed since he hadn't slept well the night before... on call as well. Hanna had been sick a few days earlier, but just in the morning and then she was fine after throwing up 3 times. I was thinking Bella had the same thing and she was eating fine, so I was probably safe to take her with me if I kept her with me instead of sending her in with the other kids. So with wet hair, since I didn't get a chance to shower until 5:30 that night, I got everyone cleaned up from dinner and loaded in the car with my little bucket of favorites. The church is about 12 minutes away. We arrived safely and I unbuckled Bella just before getting out of the car to get Colton. That's when I heard "splat!" and I ran to Bella's door to pull her out of the car before there came another one. She continued to throw up in the parking lot. A nice lady witnessing the drama asked if I needed help or some napkins. I told her I could use some paper towels. She just happen to have part of a roll in her car. I scooped up the thick, disgusting grunge from off of the carpet in the car and cleaned up Bella. I was so upset! I figured I didn't want to waste the trip entirely, so I got the kids out of the car and we hurried and dropped off my little bucket and then left. On the way home I couldn't help buy start to cry. I just wanted a few minutes of "me" time - a chance to make new friends - time with other adults. I felt smothered. I felt so tired of having to always take care of everyone else and never getting a chance to take care of myself.

When I got home I realized that life could be worse. There's always worse things happening to other people around the world. I'm lucky to have 3 beautiful children that love their mommy. I'm lucky to not have to do it alone ALL the time... though most of the time I do. I'm lucky to have favorite things, things to look forward to, things to wish I had time for. I'm lucky to own a carpet cleaner with a hand piece to get the throw up off the carpet in the car... though it's still a shade of red (fruit punch gatorade).